While you might be feeling double the excitement and double the love, you’re likely also experiencing double the worry. Twin pregnancies come with significant added risk compared to singleton pregnancies, so it’s critical for you to have information and tools that can help ensure the best outcome possible for your two peas in a pod.

One of the easiest and most effective ways to tune into the well-being of your twins during pregnancy is to monitor their movements, or count kicks. Count the Kicks has a free kick counting app that allows expectant parents to track movement for single babies or twins. When you have a daily kick counting session, the app will help you track how long it takes each baby to reach 10 movements (kicks, punches, jabs, and rolls). 

5 Tips for Expectant Twin Parents

To help you feel confident in your approach to counting kicks, we sat down with respected neonatologist and Count the Kicks Medical Advisory Board member, Dr. Ann Anderson Berry, to find out what twin parents need to know. Dr. Anderson Berry cares for babies that need extra help after delivery, and her training and expertise focuses on the intersection of pregnancy and the newborn period. 

“It’s a critical part of a healthy pregnancy to be able to understand what your baby is capable of doing on a day to day basis in utero, noticing when that changes, and alerting your healthcare provider for a higher level of evaluation,” she said.

Through Dr. Anderson Berry’s insight, and the experience of twin mom Sandra Marcela R. Monroy, MD, we bring you five essential things to know about counting kicks for twins:

1- Celebrate the gift, while preparing to manage the risks.

Twin births makeup just 3.1% of births in the U.S. — so congratulations! You’ve been given a rare, incredible gift! While a twin pregnancy can be an amazing experience, it comes with added risk.

That’s why Dr. Anderson Berry, who serves as Medical Director for the Nebraska Perinatal Quality Improvement Collaborative (NPQIC), is such an advocate for counting kicks. She expressed, “NPQIC is a proud supporter of Count the Kicks, and we really believe we can make an impact in families’ lives if we do some education about what fetal movement is like in the third trimester.”

Dr. Anderson Berry went on to explain that some twin pregnancy risks are common, while others are more difficult to identify, and that’s why it’s so important to know what’s normal for each baby’s movement patterns — to help parents and medical providers pick up on the early signs of potential fetal distress.

2- Commit to daily kick counting sessions starting at 26 weeks.

While twins do have a higher chance of early delivery, the guidelines for when to start counting kicks in singleton and twin pregnancies are a little different. You should start daily kick counting sessions at 26 weeks, just before the start of the third trimester for a twin pregnancy. There’s nothing wrong with starting earlier, especially if it helps you practice, get into a routine, and bond with your babies.

Marcela, a mom of twin girls, started her daily sessions at 26 weeks. “Counting kicks made me know my babies more,” she shared. “Things like when they were active, and which foods made them move more. Having twins was a surprise for us, so getting to know them gave us peace.”

3- Drop the comparisons! Every baby is unique – including movement patterns in utero.

Speaking of getting to know your babies … every baby, regardless of whether they’re your solo tenant or rooming up with a twin sibling, has a unique personality and tendencies for movement.

With a knowing smile, Dr. Anderson Berry explained, “Another trap we fall into as moms is to always be comparing our kids to each other. And what more direct comparison can you get than having two babies in utero? You’re literally timing them!” She reiterated that the only baby you should be comparing one twin to is themselves — not their roommate in utero!

You might be worried about how you’ll differentiate movements between one twin and the other. Both Dr. Anderson Berry and Marcela implied that while it can be a bit tricky, it’s also quite an intuitive experience if you work toward tuning into your body. As twins grow into the third trimester, their positions will become clearer, and while they will continue to move, they may not drastically change position as often as a single baby would. 

“I would always monitor their movements and their position. Based on that, I was able to know who was who. My advice is to take it easy and trust yourself. Trust the process and try every day. It gets easier,” Marcela said.

She even came to know that her Baby A was more active after breakfast, while her Baby B was more active after dinner. We’ll check back in 10 years to see if one is an early bird and the other is a night owl — our bets are on yes.

While Dr. Anderson Berry hasn’t been pregnant with twins herself, she has talked at length with twin moms that have successfully counted kicks. She explained that one way to avoid mixing up movements between babies is to do one complete kick counting session for one baby, then move on to the next, rather than trying to monitor both babies’ movements in the same session. It will help you establish a true baseline for each baby.

All that said, it is essential that you talk to your healthcare provider and go over any questions or concerns about counting kicks for your babies.

4- Use direct, assertive language when communicating with your healthcare provider.

We love this advice from Dr. Anderson Berry. Many women experience a sense of not wanting to be an alarmist or a burden. While there’s no need to be disrespectful, it’s important to be a strong advocate for your babies and to communicate clearly and directly, especially when you are sharing an observation of a change in your baby’s movements.

If you find yourself needing to communicate a concern, tap into your confidence and remember that you have your kick counting data on hand to support you! Instead of saying, “I’m not sure if my babies are moving as much, so I just wanted to check in,” go with something more assertive, such as: “I’ve noticed a change in my babies’ movements, and I need to be seen for additional monitoring.”

5- Give yourself grace, and find solace in your kick counting routine.

Carrying twins is hard — and that is an understatement. Your body and mind are under tremendous pressure, and you need rest and peace throughout this process. Carving out time in your day to relax, focus on your babies, and bond with them can help you manage the stresses of twin pregnancy. 

As parents, we often question ourselves and worry if we’re doing the right things, whether it’s during pregnancy, toddlerhood, the teenage years, and beyond. Know that counting kicks is the right thing. Take it from Marcela, a twin mom who has been in your shoes: “I really felt like I was connecting with my babies, and it gave me peace of mind. I invite you to try this.”

Dr. Anderson Berry’s closing thoughts underscored that point. “Find solace in the counting and know that it’s one additional way to ensure your babies are healthy, and that can help reduce your stress level.”

How to Count the Kicks for Twins

1. Visit the app store to download the free Count the Kicks app.
2. When you open the app, it will ask how many babies you are counting for. You’ll select two.
3. Enter your due date, and add your babies’ names/nicknames, then hit save.
4. Tap the footprint on the screen when you feel the first movement to track for either baby. The app will track the time it takes each of your babies to get to 10 kicks! 
5. To switch between babies, swipe left/right or tap the baby’s name at the top of the screen. The baby you are counting for will be red, and the other baby’s name will be yellow. As you count, you will see the current number of kicks for each baby in the circle next to their name at the top. 
6. Once each baby reaches 10 kicks, the app will ask you to rate the strength of each baby’s movements on a scale from 1 to 5, with 1 being “fluttery” and 5 being “fierce.” 
7. Add any notes you want to keep on that day’s kick counting session and hit the finish session button. 
8. Be sure to create an account so you can save your kick counting history!

About the Author

Shannon Pike is a Count the Kicks Ambassador in the state of Texas. She lives in the Austin area with her family, and works in honor of her daughter Marie Evangeline, who was born still in 2018. Read more about Shannon here. 

The post Counting Kicks for Twins: 5 Tips for Expectant Twin Parents appeared first on Count the Kicks.

We’re excited to introduce you to King Kyro, the newest arrival for Count the Kicks New Jersey Ambassador Vu-An Foster. In honor of Rainbow Baby Day, we asked her to share more about her experience with pregnancy after loss, pregnancy during a pandemic, and what having a rainbow baby means to her.

Congrats on the safe arrival of your new baby! Can you tell us more about your family and your new baby? 

After suffering two preventable second-trimester pregnancy losses due to incompetent cervix diagnosis, we welcomed our rainbow baby King Kyro at 40 weeks on the 4th of July. He was born weighing 10 pounds 9 ounces. 

How long have you been a Count the Kicks Ambassador and what does it mean to you? 

I have been a Count the Kicks ambassador since January 2021. This work is important to me because I never want a mother or family to experience what I went through with my losses. This is why I am so passionate about educating women, expectant mothers, and families on preventative measures in regards to pregnancy and infant loss. As a Public Health professional, I will continue to make a difference and improve maternal child health outcomes in honor of my girls.

Please tell us more about your experience being pregnant after losing a baby to stillbirth. 

I just want to clarify my second loss was a stillbirth by definition, as it occurred after 20 weeks. However, I did not have a stillbirth, in the sense that she was born sleeping. 

Nevertheless, during this pregnancy, I went in with the mindset, “different pregnancy, different outcome.” We celebrated every week I remained pregnant, as well as the big milestones. Also, everything I wanted to do in my first two pregnancies, I put it out there in the universe and manifested it. 

The most important part of my pregnancy that I am leaving out is that this time around, I let my providers know I would be an active partner in my care. No longer would my life and my baby’s life rest solely in their hands. I believe this made a world of a difference for us and is why I am holding my second rainbow today. 

Did the COVID-19 pandemic have an impact on your pregnancy experience? 

Yes, COVID-19 impacted my pregnancy. Part of my healing process after my losses was changing my perspective; not everything that happens to you has to be seen as a negative. 

I was employed by the same company I was working for when I had my loss. For this pregnancy, I was placed on leave as my employer was unable to accommodate my request for special accommodation, which ended up giving me more time to solely focus on my high-risk pregnancy. 

Also, only moms were allowed to attend OB/GYN visits and we could only have one visitor for the scans if the COVID-19 numbers were high. This was hard, but I knew this was a precaution to not only keep moms and babies safe, but also the staff taking care of us as well. 

Tell us more about your experience using the FREE Count the Kicks app during your rainbow baby pregnancy.

I used the Count the Kicks app during my pregnancy to count the kicks and learn my baby’s norm surrounding movement. Instead of starting to count kicks in the third trimester, I started at 26 weeks, as I was considered a high-risk pregnancy. 

It not only gave me peace of mind, but it also helped me bond with my baby, especially when bonding with your baby can be so hard when you have multiple preventable losses.   

What was your favorite feature of the Count the Kicks app?

My favorite feature of the Count the Kicks app was how easy it was to count the kicks and the graph that kept a record of your baby’s movement. 

It’s Rainbow Baby Day! Do you use this term, and if so, what does it mean to you to have a rainbow baby? 

I do use the term “rainbow baby.” Rainbow baby is my baby after the storm.

What do you want other moms to know about stillbirth, pregnancy after loss, and the Count the Kicks campaign? 

I want other moms to know two things: First, pregnancy after loss is not easy so, please give yourself grace; Second, Count the Kicks campaign is not to scare you, it is a tool/ resource to help you prevent a loss.

What do you hope to accomplish in your role as a Count the Kicks Ambassador in your state? 

I would love to see the state of New Jersey adopt the Count the Kicks program. My state is already doing so much fantastic workaround improving Maternal Child Health outcomes, it would be great to include this program in our efforts. 

About Our Ambassadors

Count the Kicks Ambassadors help us educate expectant parents and providers across the U.S. about the importance of kick counting in the third trimester of pregnancy. This incredible group of kick counting advocates are essential to our efforts to reach as many parents and providers as possible. Our Ambassador team currently includes 42 women representing 28 states, plus Washington, D.C., Canada and India. The team includes 33 who work in honor of lost babies, five that are baby save moms, and four who are birth workers.

Visit our website to learn more about our Ambassador program. 

The post Rainbow Baby Day: Meet King Kyro appeared first on Count the Kicks.

We’re excited to introduce you to Cal, the newest arrival for Count the Kicks Georgia Ambassador Erica Aitken. In honor of Rainbow Baby Day, we asked her to share more about her experience with pregnancy after loss, pregnancy during a pandemic, and what having a rainbow baby means to her.

Congrats on the safe arrival of your new baby! Can you tell us more about your family and your new baby? 

My husband, Jesse, and I have been together for 16 wonderful years! Our fur-child, Belle, is our first born (haha!). She was followed by our first human daughter, Josie, who is currently 4.5 years old, and Alex, who was stillborn in October of 2019, and last but definitely not least, our son, Cal. Calvin Thaddeus Aitken was born Aug. 27, 2020 at 6:37 p.m., and measured 6 lbs., 6 oz. and 20 inches. He had blonde hair at birth and we have no clue where that came from since we all have brown hair! His hair has darkened as he’s grown over the past year.

How long have you been a Count the Kicks Ambassador and what does it mean to you? 

I became a Count the Kicks Ambassador in June of 2020, during my third trimester of pregnancy with Cal. After losing Alex, I knew I needed to give back in some way to honor her, and becoming an integral part of Count the Kicks was the obvious answer to this calling.

Please tell us more about your experience being pregnant after losing a baby to stillbirth. 

I got pregnant again very quickly after losing Alex. She was born still on Halloween, Oct. 31, 2019, and I found out I was pregnant with Cal on New Year’s Eve, Dec. 31, 2019. I recognize how fortunate I am to get pregnant so easily, however this rapid timeline did not allow me the time to properly grieve Alex and launched me into emotional turmoil. 

I was extremely hesitant to share the news of my pregnancy with anyone, not even my own family. Honestly, I was terrified that Cal would die too and I knew I could not survive the loss of another child. 

I was so laid-back during my pregnancies with both of my daughters and trusted my body to do its job and protect them, and I felt I’d personally failed Alex. I was riddled with anxiety during my entire pregnancy with Cal and was constantly worried about him. To sum things up, being pregnant with Cal was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. I don’t think I could put myself through that again.

Did the COVID-19 pandemic have an impact on your pregnancy experience? 

Yes! Not only was I reeling from my very recent loss of Alex, coupled with the emotional upheaval of being pregnant again so quickly, but I also had to remain a recluse from any sense of normalcy in life for fear of COVID-19 harming me or my baby. 

Jesse and I did not want to take any risks with Cal after all we’d been through with Alex. I didn’t see my family or friends and had no face-to-face support system. I stayed home — all. the. time. I felt utterly alone and had no escape. I couldn’t even have a glass of wine to try to relax! It was so, so, so hard. 

Another major downside of COVID was that none of my family or friends could come visit Cal right after he was born, for fear of getting him sick. 

Tell us more about your experience using the FREE Count the Kicks app during your rainbow baby pregnancy.

I used the Count the Kicks app at least once daily starting at 26 weeks of pregnancy with Cal. At first using the app made me very nervous. I would worry if I didn’t get 10 movements in around 20 minutes. 

After a week or two of using the app and learning what movement patterns were normal for my baby, I grew to greatly appreciate the knowledge I gained about how Cal moved. It reassured me to know he was moving in ways that were typical for him. I felt more and more confident that he was OK, since his movement patterns were pretty reliable.

What was your favorite feature of the Count the Kicks app?

Being able to view the history of how my baby moves and share that information with my doctor is most definitely my favorite feature of the app.

It’s Rainbow Baby Day! Do you use this term, and if so, what does it mean to you to have a rainbow baby? 

I understand that many people use and love the term “rainbow baby” and I’ve come to accept that most people refer to my son that way. Personally, I’m not a huge fan of this term, as it implies that my beautiful precious daughter, Alex, was a storm. She is not nor will she ever be a storm to me. She is just as much a lovely rainbow as Cal is. I wish she were here with us today more than anything.

What do you want other moms to know about stillbirth, pregnancy after loss, and the Count the Kicks campaign? 

TRUST YOUR GUT INSTINCTS, MAMA! Did I say that emphatically enough?! I wish I’d listened to my internal nagging that something wasn’t right with Alex. I didn’t. And I will never be able to totally forgive myself for that. 

Truly, if you feel something isn’t right with your pregnancy or baby, go to the doctor or hospital. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, just go to the doctor right away. 

What do you hope to accomplish in your role as a Count the Kicks Ambassador in your state? 

I hope to help educate expectant parents in Georgia on the vital importance of tracking their baby’s movement in the third trimester of pregnancy. If I can help one mama pick up the Count the Kicks app, trust both the data that it provides as well as her gut intuition, and feel empowered enough to speak up and save her baby if the baby’s movement patterns change, then I’ll feel Alex’s life was not lost in vain. 

Nobody should have to say goodbye to their child before they even get a chance to say a proper hello. It is a cruel heart-wrenching torture that I would not wish on my worst enemy.

About Our Ambassadors

Count the Kicks Ambassadors help us educate expectant parents and providers across the U.S. about the importance of kick counting in the third trimester of pregnancy. This incredible group of kick counting advocates are essential to our efforts to reach as many parents and providers as possible. Our Ambassador team currently includes 42 women representing 28 states, plus Washington, D.C., Canada and India. The team includes 33 who work in honor of lost babies, five that are baby save moms, and four who are birth workers.

Visit our website to learn more about our Ambassador program. 

The post Rainbow Baby Day: Meet Calvin appeared first on Count the Kicks.

Today we’re celebrating the safe arrival of the Rainbow Babies born to Count the Kicks Ambassadors in the past year. We asked Minnesota Ambassador Tausha Patterson to share her experience with pregnancy after loss, pregnancy during a pandemic, and what having a rainbow baby means to her.

Congrats on the safe arrival of your new baby! Can you tell us more about your family and your new baby? 

My husband Luke and I are high school sweethearts who have been together for 18 years. We have two older children and three younger ones. Amelia is our fourth child who was born still at 36 weeks, on Aug. 25, 2019. Our rainbow baby, Eleanor, was born a year later on Aug. 30, 2020.

How long have you been a Count the Kicks Ambassador and what does it mean to you? 

I have been an Ambassador with Count the Kicks for almost two years. After losing Amelia, I have come to learn that so many women do not know the importance of tracking baby’s movement, how to do it and speaking up when something has changed. 

I wish I had known this information when I was pregnant with Amelia; she might be here if I had. I unfortunately cannot change that, but I can educate women, nurses and doctors and hope that this information saves babies lives. 

Please tell us more about your experience being pregnant after losing a baby to stillbirth. 

Pregnancy after loss is one of the most difficult things I have gone through. The bliss and joy is no longer there and instead filled with fear, worry and anxiety. It’s a lot of sleepless nights, worrying if the baby is OK and moving. Constantly checking on baby’s movement, LOTS of advocating for yourself, doctors’ visits and Labor and Delivery visits. In the end, it is all worth it to hear your baby cry and know that you have a living baby to bring home.

Did the COVID-19 pandemic have an impact on your pregnancy experience? 

I was thankful that COVID-19 didn’t hit until after my 12-week appointment, so my husband was able to accompany me until that point. After COVID-19 hit, it was really hard not having him there. He was my support through all of this and to not have him there or knowing he was waiting by the phone, wondering if there was a heartbeat. It was horrible! 

Being pregnant during COVID-19 has added way more anxiety, not just with the impact on appointments and not having my husband there, but also worried about getting COVID-19 and will you live, will your baby live?

Tell us more about your experience using the FREE Count the Kicks app during your rainbow baby pregnancy.

Count the Kicks was my rock during my pregnancy with Eleanor. As soon as I noticed she started to have a regular movement pattern, which was before 26 weeks as recommended for a high-risk pregnancy, I started using the app. 

She had a good routine until 32 weeks when all of a sudden, I was going in at least once a week because her movements changed and weren’t normal for her. Her movements were taking longer, and they weren’t as strong. Thankfully everything was good with her every time I went in. 

When you are pregnant after losing a baby, you feel like you have lost all control but with using the Count the Kicks app I felt empowered and it gave me some control back in my pregnancy.

What was your favorite feature of the Count the Kicks app?

I really liked how easy it was to use the app. It’s a simple press of the foot until I get to 10 movements. I also liked the history tracking to see how my baby’s movement was tracking each day.  

It’s National Rainbow Baby Day. Do you use this term, and if so, what does it mean to you to have a rainbow baby? 

I don’t use the term too often when talking about Eleanor or my older daughter, Esmeralda; we had a miscarriage before having Esme. I don’t like the thought of Rainbow Baby being the rainbow after a storm and our baby who passed away being a storm or something bad. Yes, being a loss mom is terrible, but our Angel babies are beautiful and special and it’s not bad.

What do you want other moms to know about stillbirth, pregnancy after loss, and the Count the Kicks campaign? 

I want all women, doctors, nurses and birth educators to know how important it is to track baby’s movement. I also want them to know the correct way to track their baby’s movement and what to do if something changes. I want doctors, nurses and birth educators to know that it will not scare a mom by telling a mom how important fetal movement tracking is and that they need to call or be seen when something changes. 

I want everyone to know that a baby’s movement is the first thing to change if something is wrong with the baby and not the baby’s heartbeat. Lastly, I want women to know that unfortunately, stillbirth still happens, and that we can do something about it to reduce how often it does happen.

What do you hope to accomplish in your role as a Count the Kicks Ambassador in your state? 

I am hoping that I can get Count the Kicks implemented in WIC programs in our state. I am also hoping I can get Count the Kicks implemented in my personal OB clinic as well as the Birth Education courses in the hospitals in Minnesota. 

I hope to someday make this statewide and have all Ob/Gyns and nurses teaching this in every clinic. Most of all I hope to reduce the stillbirth rate in Minnesota and save babies.

About Our Ambassadors

Count the Kicks Ambassadors help us educate expectant parents and providers across the U.S. about the importance of kick counting in the third trimester of pregnancy. This incredible group of kick counting advocates are essential to our efforts to reach as many parents and providers as possible. Our Ambassador team currently includes 42 women representing 28 states, plus Washington, D.C., Canada and India. The team includes 33 who work in honor of lost babies, five that are baby save moms, and four who are birth workers.

Learn more about our Ambassador program. 

The post Rainbow Baby Day: Meet Eleanor appeared first on Count the Kicks.

Today we’re celebrating the safe arrival of the Rainbow Babies born this year to Count the Kicks Ambassadors. We asked Missouri Ambassador Erica Bailey to share her experience with pregnancy after loss, pregnancy during a pandemic, and what having a rainbow baby means to her.

Congrats on the safe arrival of your new baby! Can you tell us more about your family and your new baby? 

Not long after my husband and I got married, we knew we wanted to start our family. We got pregnant with Rhoan, our firstborn son, and he had a perfectly normal pregnancy. I loved being pregnant with him! It was everything I thought it would be, until the very end at 39 weeks when he died unexpectedly. 

I was not aware I should have been keeping track of his movements and I will always wonder “what if” I had known, could be here now? He was stillborn on March 5, 2020 and he was perfect in every way. He was a little copy of his daddy. We will always have a hole in our hearts and family in the shape of him. Forever loved and never forgotten – Rhoan Osborne Bailey.

After Rhoan died, it was excruciating to come home to a quiet house and an empty nursery. Not long after, the entire world shut down because of COVID-19. We were forced to sit alone in our grief. Our hearts ached to love and hold a living child, so we knew we wanted to grow our family.

Three months later, we got pregnant with Rhoan’s little brother, Bear! After a complicated PAL pregnancy, Bear Odin was born healthy and alive on Jan. 26, 2021. He is so sweet, full of smiles and giggles, and looks a lot like his mama and a little like his big brother. 

How long have you been a Count the Kicks Ambassador and what does it mean to you? 

I have only recently become an Ambassador, but I knew I wanted to be one as soon as I learned about Count the Kicks. If only I had known about Count the Kicks when I was pregnant with Rhoan, he could be here. 

He was trying to tell me something was wrong when his movements were slowing down in those last weeks, but I was not tracking, and I believed the myths that “babies slow down before labor” and “babies run out of room in the 3rd trimester,” which are both NOT true. If I had known my baby was trying to communicate with me, I could have alerted my providers to the change, and we could have delivered him before he died to save his life.

I don’t want another family to experience the unbelievable heartbreaking tragedy that is losing a child to stillbirth. Stillbirth is not a one-time event. It affects the rest of your life. You miss out on an entire lifetime of memories with your child.

Please tell us more about your experience being pregnant after losing a baby to stillbirth. 

Being pregnant again after losing my first son to stillbirth at 39 weeks was the second hardest thing I have ever done. All the blissful ignorance of a first-time mom is gone out the window because now that I am a loss mom, I know too many things that can go wrong. 

I remember seeing other families with little boys and thinking, “that should be us already” instead of “that’s going to be us.” I was painfully aware of how nothing is guaranteed.

My pregnancy-after-loss (PAL) pregnancy was so different from my first pregnancy in many ways. My first pregnancy was literally perfect. I had barely any sickness. I was able to exercise the whole time, and felt great. I had no anxiety. It was a magical time. With my second pregnancy, I was living in fear every moment. I didn’t know what the next day was going to bring, and I was terrified of having another baby die. 

My PAL pregnancy had physical challenges unlike my first. At 13 weeks, I suffered a huge bleeding episode and went to the ER. I thought we were losing our second son. I was diagnosed with a subchorionic hemorrhage and put on pelvic rest for the remainder of the pregnancy. 

So now not only was I high-risk from having a previous stillbirth, but my PAL pregnancy was high-risk again because of the risk of placental abruption from the subchorionic hemorrhage. Every day I felt like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. We also had a cancer scare at 16 weeks and I was ordered to get a MRI. It felt like we couldn’t catch a break and it was exhausting.

Another big difference between my pregnancies was that I did not advocate for myself and my baby in my first pregnancy. I was very trusting of what others told me and ignored my gut instincts. 

With my second pregnancy, I was advocating for myself and my son at every appointment. I asked for the extra scans, extra appointments, and extra surveillance. I monitored my baby’s movements religiously. When things felt off, I went into labor and delivery to get checked. This happened multiple times in my third trimester. With Rhoan, I made the mistake of “sleeping on it” and going in too late; I was not going to do that again.

Despite all the scary things going on, my husband and I decided that we were going to let ourselves feel the joy of this pregnancy any chance we could because we knew a life with our son was not guaranteed. We planned an outdoor surprise gender reveal party for our friends and family. I will never forget the tears and smiles from that day. It was so special. We also went on a small babymoon a few hours away for a weekend. We wanted to make as many memories as possible with this baby just like we did with his older brother.

Did the COVID-19 pandemic have an impact on your pregnancy experience? 

Being pregnant after loss through a pandemic was (almost) 9 months of holding my breath. 

Since the hospital had a “no visitors policy,” I had to advocate very hard, repeatedly, to have my husband with me at my appointments. I personally believe there should always be a visitor allowed for beginning and end of life care. 

Since I had found out my first son died during a doppler and then ultrasound check, all my appointments were extra triggering to my PTSD. There was no way I could be in those without my husband. 

It took many crying phone calls to the doctor’s office manager and beyond to get my husband permission to come with me. This added more unnecessary anxiety to an already anxiety provoking experience. There were plenty of times we would show up to the appointment and have to explain our situation all over again (when we already had prior approval) because of the lack of communication to the front desk staff or nurses. 

I am grateful that both our Ob/Gyn and Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor agreed that I should not be alone in my appointments. Having my husband in to support me and our son made a rough PAL a little easier.

COVID-19 also added another layer of loneliness during this pregnancy that was different. Because of social distancing, I felt like my second baby wasn’t loved on by family and friends like my first was. But I wasn’t willing to take the risk of getting sick and putting my baby in danger. Lots of alone time at home for me just meant more time counting kicks and 1-on-1 time with my baby!

Tell us more about your experience using the FREE Count the Kicks app during your rainbow baby pregnancy.

I started using Count the Kicks when I turned 26 weeks since I was considered high-risk. I would use it multiple times per day, every day because I wanted to learn my baby’s normal. Every baby is different, and Bear was certainly different from Rhoan. Of course, Bear had an anterior placenta, which made things a little more difficult, but the app made things a lot easier because I could easily see which times of day he was active and how long it would take him to get to 10 movements each session. By doing this multiple times per day, I felt like I was bonding with my baby and really getting to know him. It never felt like a burden to me because I would get to sit and have quiet time with my baby. 

There were a few times I noticed Bear wasn’t moving as much, and I would call my OB on the way to L&D triage to get checked. Every single time I went in, the nurses were so kind to me and told me if I needed to come in 100 times to make sure my baby was OK, I could do it. That made me feel better.

In my 3rd trimester, I had weekly appointments for Non-Stress Tests and Biophysical Profiles. At my 36-week appointment, I woke up and noticed that Bear was not moving like he normally would. I alerted my providers at my NST/BPP appointment that day and they became concerned because his heart rate kept dropping during my contractions. Due to my history and his lack of movements, they decided to admit me that day.

They monitored us all night long, and it was very uneasy to hear the alarms go off every time his heart rate dropped. Early the next morning, my OB came in to check me and I was already 5 cm dilated. She broke my water, and Bear was born 4 hours later. Healthy and alive at 6 lbs. 12 ounces!

I can’t help but wonder what would have happened had I not spoken up and told them Bear had slowed down. Luckily, I don’t have to because I did speak up. My providers listened, took action, and Bear is here in my arms today.

What was your favorite feature of the Count the Kicks app?

I loved being able to see the kick session history so I could compare my baby’s kick count sessions to make sure he was within his normal range. There are enough things to worry about during a pregnancy (especially a pregnancy after loss), so to have all this information easily accessible right at my fingertips was so helpful to me. Anything to help a mama with grief-brain AND pregnancy-brain is much appreciated!

It’s National Rainbow Baby Day. Do you use this term, and if so, what does it mean to you to have a rainbow baby? 

I am personally not a huge fan of the term “rainbow baby,” especially when it is used by other people who have never experienced the death of a child. Not everyone gets a rainbow and not all rainbow babies get to come home. I also don’t want Rhoan’s legacy to be defined as a “storm.” He is my first baby who made me a mom, and a fierce mama bear at that! Because of Rhoan, I will always trust my instincts because he taught me that my mother’s intuition is powerful.

It is hard to put words to what it is like parenting a live child after loss. Holding Bear on my chest after birth, feeling him breathe, hearing him cry, was an out-of-body experience. It felt surreal. I felt like I could breathe again. I have never felt so much joy and grief in the same moment. But with every joyful experience, there is also grief and sadness because we never got that with Rhoan. 

While I get to see my youngest grow up and experience life, my heart constantly aches for his older brother who was robbed of that chance. My heart also breaks for Bear who doesn’t get to experience having an older brother alive to grow up with him. It is just very bittersweet. Joy and grief go hand-in-hand, and that is something I am learning to accept. We never “move on.” Somehow, we keep getting stronger and the grief changes over time. It never goes away, and one baby will never replace another. Our family will forever be incomplete. 

What do you want other moms to know about stillbirth, pregnancy after loss, and the Count the Kicks campaign? 

There are so many things that we do not have control over in pregnancy (almost nothing really), but the one thing we do have control over is speaking up when we feel something is not right. We are our baby’s voice, and they are communicating to us through their movements. Trust your mother’s intuition and don’t second guess yourself. Alert your providers and go in to get checked as many times as you need to. Even on a holiday. Even on a weekend. Even if you already had an appointment that day. Labor and Delivery Triage is available to you 24/7. They want to help you. That is their job. I doubted myself when I thought something was wrong, and I will always regret not going in sooner. Maybe my firstborn son could be here alive.

What do you hope to accomplish in your role as a Count the Kicks Ambassador in your state? 

My goal is that every pregnant patient in Missouri knows about Count the Kicks and how to properly monitor their baby’s (babies’) movements in the third trimester. It should not take a loss for moms to learn this life-saving information!

About Our Ambassadors

Count the Kicks Ambassadors help us educate expectant parents and providers across the U.S. about the importance of kick counting in the third trimester of pregnancy. This incredible group of kick counting advocates are essential to our efforts to reach as many parents and providers as possible. Our Ambassador team currently includes 42 women representing 28 states, plus Washington, D.C., Canada and India. The team includes 33 who work in honor of lost babies, five that are baby save moms, and four who are birth workers.

Visit our website to learn more about our Ambassador program. 

The post Rainbow Baby Day: Meet Bear appeared first on Count the Kicks.

We’re excited to introduce you to Eddie, the newest arrival for Count the Kicks Texas Ambassador Shannon Pike. In honor of Rainbow Baby Day, we asked her to share more about her experience with pregnancy after loss, pregnancy during a pandemic, and what having a rainbow baby means to her.

Congrats on the safe arrival of your new baby! Can you tell us more about your family and your new baby? 

After our first baby (Marie) was stillborn (in May 2018), and suffering the miscarriage of twins just a few months later, there was a time during my most acute grief where my world felt so painfully empty. Today, I look at my family and am overwhelmed with gratitude for the joy and chaos brought on by our two living kids, Freya and Eddie. Our house is light and fun and full of so much love. 

All of our kids look so much alike and have an energy about them that feels otherworldly to me. It feels like we get to have a little glimpse into what Marie would’ve been (and is, in her own way). Freya brings the toddler energy and is a chatty, intuitive, hilarious little thing. She expresses her love for people so sweetly but has a spicy side! And our newest arrival, Eddie, fills a space we never knew needed filling. He is an incredibly calm and content baby that has made our family feel closer to complete, even though we will always be missing our oldest girl. 

It’s been a healing experience to see siblings growing together and to lean into our new family dynamic.

How long have you been a Count the Kicks Ambassador and what does it mean to you? 

I’ve been an Ambassador for about six months. It has been a really meaningful step forward for me, to just begin this journey and officially connect with the organization. Stillbirth awareness is a multifaceted initiative and I wish I could solve all of the challenges families face related to stillbirth, from preventing it to coping through the pain when it happens. But this often leaves me overwhelmed, and for a long time that tripped me up in taking my “next step” in becoming an advocate. Count the Kicks has given me direction and focus for making a difference. The Count the Kicks mission is simple, actionable, and accessible, and I’m so honored to be part of it.

Please tell us more about your experience being pregnant after losing a baby to stillbirth. 

My third pregnancy, which led to the birth of my living daughter, was mentally and emotionally excruciating. I was gripped by anxiety and fear, and had to work extremely hard to keep my body and my heart calm. I poured myself into work, house projects, and self care to make the time go faster. 

My fourth pregnancy, which brought us our son, was much more peaceful, and I had very little time to sit around and worry while chasing after a toddler. I certainly had fears and overwhelming feelings throughout it, but I had more trust in myself and my body this time. I didn’t believe that would ever be the case for me, so it was a really pleasant surprise.

Did the COVID-19 pandemic have an impact on your pregnancy experience? 

One of the toughest things about being pregnant during the pandemic was attending appointments without my husband — and I had a lot of appointments. It’s terrifying to have to imagine getting the worst news when you’re all alone, and he has been my partner in our journey in every sense of the word. 

One positive thing was not seeing many people, and therefore not being asked too many intrusive questions or fielding flippant comments about pregnancy. In our culture, pregnancy is often seen primarily as an exciting and promising time, and that can be difficult to face after you’ve gone through a traumatic loss. 

I like to balance joy and hope with the reality of the risks and seriousness of pregnancy, and people don’t always understand that or feel comfortable engaging on that level. I try to practice acceptance and be understanding of that, but I do prefer living honestly and not shying away from the tough conversations and the truth about what my family looks like. Marie is very much a part of who we are.

Tell us more about your experience using the FREE Count the Kicks app during your rainbow baby pregnancy.

I used the app twice per day, every day in the third trimester. It brought me tremendous peace and a deeper trust in my intuition, and it helped me separate my anxiety from real concern. I did not experience any changes in my son’s movement patterns, and I am so glad I never had to sit and wonder about whether or not he was acting normal. I always knew, because I always counted. 

What was your favorite feature of the Count the Kicks app?

Baby Save stories. It’s so incredible to read real-life stories of kick counting in action. Data and statistics are so very important for any cause, but human stories hold so much power to affect change. It’s incredibly motivating for me to stick with Count the Kicks and be part of the mission in even the smallest ways when I read those stories. 

It’s Rainbow Baby Day! Do you use this term, and if so, what does it mean to you to have a rainbow baby? 

I do use the term! I don’t connect particularly deeply with it, but I like having verbiage for my experience that is pretty much universally understood in and outside the pregnancy loss community. 

Symbolically, the imagery of the rainbow always makes me think of sunshine and storms happening together, just as we can hold multiple emotions at once, and how that brings the full spectrum of color and emotion into view in a rainbow. Experiencing child loss and parenting living children is a blend of so many emotions. It’s dark, it’s beautiful, it’s painful, and it’s healing. And it’s OK to feel it all. 

What do you want other moms to know about stillbirth, pregnancy after loss, and the Count the Kicks campaign? 

I want parents to know that your mindset dictates how you experience kick counting. Some parents worry it will increase their anxiety; if that is you, reframe the way you see this tool. 

It is an empowering practice that helps you parent your baby before they are earthside. It’s also a simple and special opportunity to put your day aside and bond with them. 

Pregnancy after loss will likely be the hardest thing you do aside from the loss itself, but with the right tools and support system, you can get through it. Lean on the people who will validate your struggle and hold space for your feelings. It helps to find connections with other people going through the same thing. And find a healthcare provider you trust!

What do you hope to accomplish in your role as a Count the Kicks Ambassador in your state? 

I’m particularly excited about the potential to connect with organizations that focus on reducing racial and socioeconomic disparities in maternal-fetal healthcare. And at my core, I want all parents to feel empowered through each pregnancy and to have tools that help them play an active role in caring and advocating for their baby. 

About Our Ambassadors

Count the Kicks Ambassadors help us educate expectant parents and providers across the U.S. about the importance of kick counting in the third trimester of pregnancy. This incredible group of kick counting advocates are essential to our efforts to reach as many parents and providers as possible. Our Ambassador team currently includes 42 women representing 28 states, plus Washington, D.C., Canada and India. The team includes 33 who work in honor of lost babies, five that are baby save moms, and four who are birth workers.

Visit our website to learn more about our Ambassador program. 

The post Rainbow Baby Day: Meet Eddie appeared first on Count the Kicks.

There’s another powerful element to this story — the element of mom-to-mom sharing — that helped Cathleen take a change in movement seriously. Because she followed Amanda, of Minnesota, on Instagram, Amanda became the voice in Cathleen’s head to go in and get checked out when she noticed something had changed.

We all have the power to be that voice in someone’s head — to encourage them to pay attention to movement and speak up if there’s a change. This is their remarkable story, spanning two states, as written by Amanda.

“My daughter Juniper was unexpectedly stillborn at full term. Nothing I will ever do will bring her back. I truly think had I been educated of the importance of counting kicks and monitoring baby’s movements, that my daughter could be alive in my arms. As such, I have made it a personal mission to do what I can to prevent other moms from enduring the death of their child before their birth.

Since Juniper’s death, I have become an outspoken advocate for preventing stillbirth on my Instagram account and share frequently about the importance of counting the kicks and paying attention to baby’s movements. I am forever fighting the myth that ‘babies run out of room,’ something I mistakenly believed while pregnant with my first child.

The only time baby’s movement was discussed by my providers was as they were discharging me from my biweekly checks, in the most unconcerning way ‘call us if baby’s movement changes.’ Especially since Juniper was growth restricted and I was under such close monitoring, I felt like I didn’t need to pay attention to her movements and patterns. I really wished I had known the opposite. 

When I woke up to Cathleen’s messages that Margot was born alive, and with a true knot in her umbilical cord, I was floored. I was in shock; I was in tears. I was so, so, so grateful that she is here. If Juniper can’t be here, the next best thing is making sure other babies get to be here alive.

I’m so glad she followed my posts and trusted herself to go in to get checked even though she had just been in a few days prior with a passing biophysical score. Even though we live states away and we’ve never met. But she felt her baby had slowed down, and there ended up being a clear reason for that. 

It’s so wild to me. There’s this mentality with our society that we don’t want to ‘scare pregnant women’ by talking to them about possible bad pregnancy outcomes. Yet, every time you fly on a commercial airline, the possibility of an airplane crash is discussed, planned for, and everything is done to prevent it. No one talks about these safety demonstrations as unnecessarily ‘scaring passengers.’

Our prenatal providers need to be as brave as these pilots and flight attendants, an emergency plan thought out and shared, discussed at every appointment. Preventative measures should be shared and followed. Why can’t we do this with pregnancy? Why isn’t the very real possibility of stillbirth discussed and preventative measures shared and followed? 

If you are pregnant or know someone who is, next time you chat, share with them the importance of counting kicks and monitoring baby’s movements. Dispel the myth that ‘babies run out of room.’ Especially in COVID times, appointments aren’t happening as frequently, things are rushed, and there is additional worry surrounding going in for extra checks. All of these things mean it is all the more important to be cognizant of your baby’s movements and patterns and to go in if anything feels off. 

Your providers may not say it every time, but I will: going in could save your baby’s life and spare you a lifetime of grief and heartbreak. If movements decrease or change, do not hesitate to call and go in.” 

If you want to read more about Juniper’s story, connect with Amanda on Instagram at her handle @orangeafmama. To learn more about the importance of kick counting during the third trimester of pregnancy, please visit our Academy for Parents page.

The post The Power of Mom-to-Mom Sharing appeared first on Count the Kicks.

Did you know? Counting kicks, jabs, pokes and rolls is a free, noninvasive way to check on your baby’s well-being. It’s also a great way to bond with your baby during pregnancy. By using the Count the Kicks app every day in the third trimester, you can navigate this season with the peace of mind to know when things are OK and when you need to contact your provider.

We know it can be challenging to speak up, but it is essential to contact your provider right away if you notice a change in your baby’s normal movement (how long it takes your baby to get to 10 movements).

These steps are an important reminder for you to trust your intincts and advocate for your baby.

Five Steps to Speaking Up During COVID

1. Speak Up: Contact your provider right away if you notice a change in the strength of your baby’s movements or how long it takes your baby to get to 10 movements. 
2. Trust your Instincts: Your baby’s movements are an important vital sign, and YOU know your baby best! Trust your gut. 
3. Don’t Delay: There is no bad time to call or go in. If your provider’s office is closed, hospitals are open 24/7, ready to serve YOU. 
4. Speak Louder: YOU have a choice. Your provider is there to listen to YOU.  If your provider isn’t listening, speak louder until they do. 
5. Hours and Minutes Matter: Don’t hesitate. A change in movement is often the first or only indication a baby is in distress. Don’t let fear of COVID stop you from going in. The risks of not speaking up outweigh the risk of going in.

If you need to Speak Up, try this: 

• “I am counting my kicks and I noticed reduced fetal movement.”
• “I am counting my kicks and I noticed a change in my baby’s movement.”
• “I am counting my kicks and my baby is not moving like normal.”

PRO TIP: During your prenatal appointments, be sure to ask your provider how to contact them  if you have concerns, and when you should go directly to the hospital. 

Why We Count

A change in movement, whether a decrease or rapid increase, is sometimes the earliest or only indication that your baby should be checked by your provider. It’s also important to pay attention to the strength of your baby’s movements and notify your provider if your baby’s movements become weaker.

The post Five Steps to Speaking Up During COVID appeared first on Count the Kicks.

Eleven years ago my husband and I were expecting our first child. It was springtime – the flowers were blooming and everything was pretty and fresh. As a speech pathologist in an elementary school building, I found myself outside for recess duty.  The baby would kick when she would hear the children’s laughter and squeals of delight.

With springtime came spring-cleaning, coupled with the “nesting” every pregnant woman seems compelled to do.  We had washed every little onesie, tucked every newborn diaper neatly into its bin, and hung every tiny outfit on matching hangers. The nursery was finished; the baby shower was a week away. Everything was planned. Everything was perfect.

But the baby stopped moving.

I wasn’t going to be THAT mom – the mom that called the doctor to question, complain, and worry about every little thing. After all, I had read all the books, followed all the rules. I had planned for everything … except this.

On a beautiful, Sunday afternoon, my mother encouraged me to call the doctor.  He told me to go to the hospital to be monitored. I was excited about the possibility of seeing my baby on an ultrasound again. We headed to the hospital with naive anticipation.

The nurses couldn’t find a heartbeat.

They reassured me, and still I didn’t worry. They phoned the ultrasound tech on call that weekend. I hated to bother the tech by making her coming into work on that beautiful day to look at our baby, just to tell us she was “just sleepy.”  But she came.

She delivered the news almost instantly. “I can tell you right now there is no heartbeat.”

“My baby!” I screamed. My husband put his head on my chest and cried.

Grace Biondi was stillborn at 32 weeks on a rainy Monday morning. I felt like the sky’s tears couldn’t match my own. We baptized Grace, crammed a lifetime of stories into a few hours, kissed her and said goodbye. Tests would later reveal that I had a large, undetected blood clot in my placenta.  And with that, a lifetime’s journey and mission began.

I wanted to turn back time; but time moved forward anyway, taking me with it.

I returned home from the hospital, still wearing maternity clothes, waiting for my milk to come in, and clutching a box with a few pictures and mementos … but no baby.  My arms ached to hold her. The empty nursery caused a pain in my heart each time I walked by.

I worried that there was something wrong with me, that I wasn’t “normal.”  My feelings turned to guilt and anger, emotions foreign to the “me” I had been before Grace.  The emotions became so intensely negative that I wondered if I was becoming a bad person. I wondered if I was being punished because I actually was a bad person.

But time continued to march on.  It always does. The pain changed.  It changed me, strangely, for the better.

We went on to have three healthy children. We even found our way to happiness again, yet a portion of that pain is always there. A certain sound, a certain time of year, or a certain smell can bring an onset of tears that are hastily wiped away. Even eleven years later, I can still close my eyes and replay my entire hospital stay, from beginning to end, in my mind like a movie. I can tell you what the doctors wore; I can tell you what picture hung in the room.  I can tell you what was said, who said it, and where they were standing in the room. When you come home from the hospital with empty arms, you have nothing but time to replay those images over and over again until they become cemented in your mind. It’s like a bad movie.  Ironically, I don’t recall near the detail of my subsequent and happier birth experiences.

The feelings of despair and helplessness can be overwhelming and lonely. But my story – OUR story – does not end there. The sadness was just the beginning.

In my journey I met four other incredible women who all lost daughters to stillbirth or infant death within months of each other and within months of me. The birth of our friendship was the birth of a cause.

We met in coffee shops around our hometown of Des Moines, Iowa, at first just sharing our stories of grief. While I wished this type of grief on no one else, the presence of these moms was what reminded me I was not alone.  Others were surviving, and I would, too.

It wasn’t long before those stories turned into a mission and the nonprofit, Healthy Birth Day, Inc., was born. Our mission is to prevent stillbirth and infant death through education, advocacy and support. Our efforts have included passing legislation to create a stillbirth registry in the state of Iowa. The registry collects and analyzes information on each stillbirth in the state to help determine the causes of stillbirth.

Our primary initiative, Count the Kicks, is a public health campaign that teaches expectant parents about monitoring their baby’s movements in the last trimester of pregnancy. Count the Kicks was inspired by research done in Norway where they educated expecting mothers to monitor their baby’s movements and reduced the overall stillbirth rate by one-third. Hearing Count the Kicks success stories like these never gets old:

“At 37 weeks I noticed a decrease in my baby’s movements. I mentioned it to my OB at my check up that day and (after several tests) ended up delivering our baby the same day. Our sweet little boy had a true knot in his cord! If I didn’t know about Count the Kicks, I don’t know if I would have been as aware of my baby’s movements as I was, and who knows what could have happened. Count the Kicks is a wonderful program that truly saves lives!” – Beth, Theo’s mom

“I was told that our little Cooper James would not have made it through the day had I not be counting the kicks and paying attention to his movement.” – Tracie, Cooper’s mom

“Because of your campaign I was more aware of her movement and able to bring attention to a problem, which saved her life!” – Erica, Chesney’s mom

“Friends and family tried to reassure me that it was normal to experience less movement at the end of pregnancy. This isn’t true! Kick counting saved my son.” – Amanda, Preston’s Mom

Focusing on stillbirth and infant death prevention has helped me heal.  It helped me turn the powerful feelings of grief, into passion and action. In addition, the time and efforts that I put into this organization is when I get to be Grace’s mother. There is something very healing and empowering in that. But underlying our organization, creating the foundation for its programs and mission, is a deep and powerful friendship. Jan Caruthers, Janet Petersen, Kate Safris and Tiffan Yamen have helped make me who I am today.  Our friendship gave me hope in a time when I felt none.  This friendship is a gift given to us by our daughters, and in turn, Health Birth Day, Inc. is their legacy.

We invite you along for this incredible journey. You will get to know us, our programs and our mission. You will read stories of hope, strength and miracles.  We want every mother to know about Count the Kicks. We want this knowledge to be as universal as taking prenatal vitamins and putting a baby “back to sleep.”

Grace has given me so many gifts it’s hard to name them all:  a wonderful marriage, awareness of the kindness of others, appreciation for old friends, the joy of new friends, the ability to revel in simply joys, to awe at beauty, to truly see the important things in life and the great gift of three healthy children; each specially hand-picked just for us by their big sister. I know Grace made me a better person and a better mother…and I know that spring will always be bittersweet.

This is a story about the power of women, of friendship, and of a coffee shop … Join us.

Kerry Biondi-Morlan is one of the five original founding moms of Healthy Birth Day Inc., the 501(c)3 nonprofit organization that created the Count the Kicks campaign.

The post What Grace Has Taught Us appeared first on Count the Kicks.